Mao's Mews

The Kentukey Derby

2007-05-05T13:05:00.000-07:00

A cuppul of yoo rekumended I talk to my frend Qweenie abowt gitting a pardun so I won't be on the lam anymore. But she alreddy left Furrginia, so I had to go to Kentukey to see if I cood find her thare. Heer I am on my arrivul:

Qweenie was noware to be seen, so wile I was thare, one of the horse riders offerd to take me owt on a praktiss run. I'd never rided a horse beefore, so I jumped at the chanse. It was vary vary fast. I holded on tite and didn't fall off:

Then I coodn't rezist: I just HAD to klime up on the roof. Yoo git a vary good view frum on top of the roof. I figyerd it wood be a good place frum ware I cood spot Qweenie win she shoze up.

It's a littul hot up heer on the roof. I shooda orderd a mint joolip beefore I wint up heer. Hmmm... and how do I git down?????

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

2007-05-05T12:30:00.000-07:00

Whut's Spotted Dick?

2007-05-04T09:14:00.000-07:00

Sum of yoo were wundering whut spotted dick was. Heer's the deffynishun. The Food Lady likes to wrap up cans of it and give it as Krissmiss prezints to peepul hoo don't know whut it is. The qween had a can in her handbag becuz she wuzn't shur she cood git it in owr countrey. Heer's ware yoo can reed abowt why they call it that.

Long live the Qween

2007-05-03T22:47:00.000-07:00

Well, I was gonna go ride the swan botes with Lilly Lu today, but then I herd the qween was gonna be in Jamestown, so even tho my buddies Jake and Bathsheba warnd me abowt all the Feds in the Furrjinia area, I took a chanse and wint down to see her becuz then I cood go bak home and glote to the wite rat abowt how I saw the QWEEN and her big honking tiara. Boy wood he be jellus!!!!!

It was werth the trip. I snuk onto the red carpit win she got off the airplane. It was a vary good foto opp. Yoo can biggify it to see it better. I was a littul nerviss arownd all the guys with guns. Reminded of my days in prizzin. I looked for Sanjee and Boni in the crowd, but thare were so many peepul thare, I coodn't see them.

And she reely took a liking to me. She let me sit on her lap and she gave me hed skritches, and she did a pritty good job of it. She even let me look in her handbag, but she swore me to secretsy. I can never reveel its contents. Yoo mite say we bonded. She talked a little like she had marbles in her mowth, but I cood still understand most of whut she sed. She seemed nice enuf. But honestly, she smelled a little like dawgs, so I wasn't 100% at eeze. But she did reemind me a littul of my gramma (hoo also smells like dawgs).

Then, I started batting at thoze silly purple froofy things on her hat and I was asked to leeve.

Took the Eff Trayne.....

2007-05-02T16:46:00.000-07:00

My good frend Kismet invited me to take the Eff-Trayne to vizit him in Brooklin, ware he and Sophie live. I'm not imberrust to say that the Eff-Trayne is probly called that becuz it is Eff-in' scary. It is vary vary vary vary lowd. I thot my eardrums wood ixplode. And yoo have to go undergrownd to find it. It's like this ginormous LOWD steel gopher that tunnuls thru the grownd at a millyun miles an howr.

They make yoo pay munney to ride on the Eff-Trayne, but sinse I'm on the lam, I don't have many munneys to spare, so I jumped the gate. Sinse I alreddy have a prizzin rekerd, what duz it matter? Heer I am pozing in frunt of the gate I jumped. Win yoo jump the gate, yoo don't have to pay munneys to ride the trayne. This is just one of the many things I lernt in prizzin.

Once I jumped the gate, I had to go underneeth the grownd to the hole the Eff-Trayne goze thru to git to Brooklin. It is vary stinky under the grownd and thare are vary many lowd peepul hoo all talk funny. The sine sed "Subway" but I didn't see any sanwiches, and I cooda gone for a nice ham sanwich cuz I was pritty hungry. My tale got stept on TWICE and the peepul didn't even say, "I'm sorry" or "exkyooze me."

It took a big leep of faith to klime onto the Eff-Trayne, but I knew Kismet was waiting for me, so I swallowed my feer and jumped abord. This is what I looked like wile I was waiting for the Eff-Trayne to run over me:

Win I got to Kismet's stop, I klimed owt, and his apartmint was RITE THARE! Sinse I'd bin breething in all that stinky air for so long, Kismet invited me to the jungle owtside his howse to kleer my nostrils. It was pritty fun. Heer we are --- I think this is a funny pikcher cuz it shoze how humungous Kismet's booty is:

As yoo can see, he definitely IS a BIG MAN CAT!!!! I was imprest. Sophie duzn't git to go owtside, so it was just the 2 of us guys, hangin' owt. (Wich was kinda too bad, cuz Sophie is reely a looker, but don't tell Kaze.) It was vary fun and vary relaxing. I cood not BEELEEVE how much grass Kismet eets! It's like he can't git enuf of it. He just eats and eats and eats it. Then we wint bak in the apartmint and blew chunks. After that, I was axed to leeve.

Sumware in New York.....

2007-05-01T22:46:00.000-07:00

I got a misteerius messije in my Catster emale today. It sed, "dere'z room fer mao at ekstra help!" So I fownd my way to a classroom sumware in New York, and got to spend the afternoon with a bunch of vary nice kids, and I even helped a cuppul with thare homewerk. They were vary happy to meet me, and altho they asked way too many qweschuns abowt the wite rat (they even have a pikcher of him thare!), it was overall a vary nice way to spend an afternoon. I was a littul nervus arownd so many feets, but no one stept on my tale, not even once!

Then Me and Jete' and Matsui and Whitey and Mickey and Laffin lissend to the Yankees game and it was vary ixsiting if a littul bittersweet, becuz altho the Yankees wunned the game, Fill Hyooz hert his leg wile pitching more than six innings of no-hit ball. Matsui was vary ixsited win Matsui got a dubbul. Afterwerd, Jete' gave me sum tips on how to klime trees, and how to get down frum the roof withowt gitting stuk.

After all that, I can only say, "LIFE IS GRATE!"

Keep owr pets safe Day

2007-04-28T23:13:00.000-07:00

Next Stop: Motor City

2007-04-28T21:38:00.000-07:00

Yoo can biggify this pikcher to see me with my frends Tazo and Earl Grey beefore we wint in to see a Deetroit Tigers game. I can't tell yoo HOW MUCH FUN life on the lam is. I had to help brake owt T and EG frum thare howse to go to the game becuz thare ladey sez "better inside and fat than owtside and flat" wich is just abowt the stoopidist thing I ever herd. But then, I got the Feds after me and I'm livving life on the edje. Anyway, my buds were VARY HAPPY to git owt of the prizzin that they call home withowt having to ware the stoopid harniss and leesh, and so we had a reely grate time woopin it up. We got to ride a mary-go-rownd and a ferris weel. The mary go rownd had tigers insted of horses -- that's my kind of mary-go-rownd! Win we got dun, we hanged owt at the Cigar bar. (But I was disappointed. They wern't catnip cigars like I'm used to.) Thare was even a tiger on the skorebord -- yes, thare were cats EVRYWARE! Heer's the skorebord:

As my good frend Jeter Harris wood say, "Life is grate."

My ferst trip to Wal*Mart

2007-04-27T19:54:00.000-07:00

Don't tell the food ladey, but I wint to Wal*Mart today. My next stop was going to be Joplin, but my frend Parker convinst me to swing over to Kanzuz City insted. Parker was a lot of fun to hang owt with. (No Kaze, we didn't hang owt in "that way." Parker and me are just "good frends.") I deesided I needed sum noo "on the lam clothes" in case the Feds are on to me. So Parker sugjested Wal*mart becuz yoo can git anything thare, and the Kanzuz City Royals maskot was going to be sining awtograffs and she wunted one. But win we got thare, she was kinda a little scairt of the maskot, so I wint up to git the awtograff wile she wated bak on a bench in the I-kare sekshun. (If yoo biggify the pikcher, yoo can see her bak thare.) After Wal*Mart we wint and got sum barbykyoo. Man, was it ever good! Thanks for a grate time, Parker! I think she mite be reelayted to Bonnie Parker of Bonnie and Clyde, btw!

Lots of red berdies heer...

2007-04-26T07:02:00.000-07:00

Today, I hedded sowth to Saynt Looey. I got to play this time, but no hits -- I just drew a wok.

On the rode agin....

2007-04-24T22:06:00.000-07:00

Well, the last place that I was stayin' didn't werk owt too well. That guy with the wite thingies in his hare just woodn't shut up. Yap yap yap yap yap. So I sed bye to Sylvio and T and hedded west. Heer I am, enjoying a game at Wrigley Feeld, wich is THE BEST BALLPARK IN THE WERLD. I sat in the bleechers, cuz that's ware the REEL FANS sit. I had a Polish and an Old Stile. Whut a way to spend an afternoon.

Meezer Munday: Life at Da Bing

2007-04-23T22:46:00.000-07:00

I've met sum intristing peepul wile I've bin on the lam. Heer I am with my noo adopted famly. That's me down in the left korner. (Yoo can biggify.) I hang owt at a place called "Da Bing" during the day, and thare are nice ladeez hoo pet me a lot and APPRESHEEATE me thare. My frend Silvio (hoo is frends wit' da Boss, BTW) lets me stay at his howse at nite. Dat's Silvio, there, pettin' me. Evrybuddy heer gives me a lot of helpful tips abowt whut to do wile I'm on the lam. A cuppul of times a week I get to go with da boys down to Satriale's Pork Store and eet as much pork as I like. Life on da lam is good.

Can't say ware I am, but....

2007-04-17T18:28:00.000-07:00

Just wunted to let yoo all know I'm alive and well. I can't be too spesifik abowt ware I am, but I am enjoying qwality time with my good frends, Mocha and Kami. We're just hangin owt gitting cat hare on the fernicher just like I do at home. Gotta go... the Feds mite be trakking my IP adress or sumthing...

On the Lamb

2007-04-15T11:36:00.000-07:00

I don't see any sheep, but suppozedly, I'm on the lamb. My bud Rocky told me I shood ware a disgize, so this is whut we came up with.

Do yoo think this will fool the Feds?

Prizzin Brake!

2007-04-13T21:53:00.000-07:00

I got broke owt of prizzin today by the Pink Ladies. Speshul thanks to Kaze and Daisy. They were vary deetermind and well-orginized. Heer's a pikcher of them casing the joint.

Many thanks to Daphne, Grr, Midnight, Emily, Abbie, the Meezer Gang, (and Caesar and Prinnie hoo provided the alibi) for braking me owt. I'm on the lamb now. I can't say ware I am, but thare's an Ikea Poang chare and a Millie bed heer and a long lithe Pink Lady to keep me companny.

Wordless Wednesday

2007-04-11T11:02:00.000-07:00

Thank yoo Lilly Lu!!!!

2007-04-09T23:05:00.000-07:00

It was a good day at the male box. The man in the bloo shorts brot a pakije frum Lilly Lu that didn't just say "Skeezix the Cat" on it..... it also sed "& Rock & Mao too" --- so don't git all uppity Sadie and DMM, becuz owr names wuz on this pakije. And it was FULLL of grate stuff! Well, thare was a sissy pink bunny for the wite rat, but a lot of baseball stuff for me and Rocky .... heer's a pikcher of me impersunating the wite rat at a Bosox game! Whaddya think? We got uniforms an evrything!

Thank yoo Lilly Lu and Iris and Mu Shue!!!!! Oh, yeah, we'll make shur the wite rat gits his littul bunny!

ASPCA DAY: Go Orange for Animals!

2007-04-10T01:19:00.000-07:00

I'm bak waring my loo-ow shert today to raze awareniss for ASPCA's Go Oranje for Animuls Day.

KLIK HEER TO FIND OWT MORE!

Meezer Munday

2007-04-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

Happy Passover!

2007-04-03T23:02:00.000-07:00

Yoo can klik heer to send it as an ecard.

Meezer Munday

2007-04-02T01:07:00.000-07:00

Ha ha ha. Kimo and Sabi sent the wite rat sumthing in the male and I interseptid it. It was a Giants cap for Opening Day!!!!! Skeez is a sissy hoo duzn't know anything abowt baseball, but me and Rocky are big fans. So we deezerve the cap more. So we took it. Like the wite rat wood even notiss. Beesides, it woodn't ever fit on his skinny hed, and it fits me like a gluv! Isn't it grate? It even has holes for my eers to stik owt of. And the best part is, it will match my Hah-why-un shert (see beelow) reely good. Thank yoo Sabi! Thank yoo Kimo!!!! Yoo guys are the best!!!!!

Fashun Show Friday

2007-03-29T22:57:00.000-07:00

The wite rat got sum noo clothes in the male, but they have to be alterd* by the Food Lady to fit him cuz he's a runt. I had a look: they were pritty stylish! So win the wite rat wuzn't looking, I tride on his noo Huh-why-un shert. I think maybe orange is my color!

_________________________
* Not alterd like in a hoohaectomy; alterd ware they poke clothes with needles to make them git smaller.

Peeeee Yoooooo!!!

2007-03-27T22:14:00.000-07:00

NOTE TO SELF: Not the optimal pozishuning for the heetid cat cup.

Meezer Munday

2007-03-26T22:47:00.000-07:00

The food lady orderd noo Red Catnip Harts frum Simeeze Reskyoo for us becuz Kaze got me one but after evrybuddy took terns steeling it frum me, Trip ript into it and went krazy and it kind of ixploded. So she got us all owr own harts and if Trip rips his to shreds, that's just tuff beens for him.

Anyway, I had a GRATE time with mine, and I deesided to go howse hunting for winever things mite git serius between me and Kaze. I fownd this GRATE tunnel box... it's kind of a fixer upper, but it has a lot of potenshul, and plenty of room for me and Kaze, and for Latte and Chase, too, win they come vizit! Heer I am with my hart in my soon-to-be noo home. I'll even fernish it with IKEA stuff so it will feel like home for Kaze.

Tabby Toozday

2007-03-20T13:51:00.000-07:00

Heer's that psyko stray cat Tripper and his gerlfrend, Tiger. Tiger is not psyko like that stoopid Trip is -- she's pritty mellow and stays owt of the way. Trip loves her. Ixsept win he bunny-kiks the bejeesus owt of her. I don't think that's any way to treet a lady, but Tiger duzn't seem to mind. Pleeze notiss how big Trip's jowls are gitting to be. One morning, he'll wake up and realize he looks just like Winstin Cherchill. He's a porker.