Skeezix's Scratching Post: July 2005

I'm an outside cat, now!

Well, I'm SORT of an outside cat. The Food Lady put this strangulation noose on me that she calls a harniss, and once I had that on and it was practically choking the last breath from my body, then she took me beyond the screen door I always look out of into the outside. Boy, the smells out there are incredible! I was kinda frozen for a while becuz the harniss thing made me afraid to move around, but once I got the hang of it and realized that the Food Lady wasn't going to take the harniss off, then I began exploring. There was all kinds of dirt and grass and plants and birdies, and I smelled everything I could stick my pointy little nose into. After a while we came back into my prison, otherwise known as the house. My big bruther Mao must be very brave to spend so much time outside. It was really fun for me, but I was also pretty terrified. I wonder if she'll let me go out agin?

Geronimoooooooooooo! splat.

What a thrilling day it was for me! I got up on the railing that overlooks the big room down below with the piano and the couches in it. I do it all the time, it's fun to git high, even though sometimes it makes me a little dizzy. Well, this morning, I was kinda clumsy and I fell off the railing allllll the way to the floor way down below, about 14 or 15 ft. The Food Dude and the Food Lady almost had a heart attack. They came running downstairs, yelling my name. I got lots of attention. Phew! It was really great flying through the air like that, but the floor came up real fast, and I kinda thudded. I told my big bruther Mao that I jumped on purpose, but I don't think I fooled him.

Poopy Tuesday

I'm never talking to the Food Dude again, I swear. This morning, I had another cat box disaster. You'd think the Food Dude would understand, seeing how, in the morning after he's had his coffee, he always goes into his own litter box room with the tile floor, and after that thing with the swirling water in it makes that loud roar, the Food Dude and turns on the fan until the raw sewage stink goes away. But he holds me to a higher standard. And with my 1/2-inch-long colon, it's not easy... as soon as food enters my GI tract, I hafta hit the catbox. Which I did this morning. But something bad happened, and I ended up getting poop in all four paws, and all over the right side of my body, too. I kinda looked like a fudgesicle, only I was a shitsicle. And then I shot outta the catbox at 90 miles an hour (so that maybe he'd blame the smell on my big bruther Mao), but my paws were so poopy, the tracks followed me all over the house. When I heard, "OH, SKEEZIX!" I knew I was in for a crappy morning. I got soaked up to my neck in the big sink, and no matter how much I clawed and scratched and screamed, the Food Dude kept putting water on me. So, no, I'm definitely not speaking to the Food Dude ever again. And no matter how furiously I lick, the water stays on my fur. YUCK!!

Phewie it's hot!!!!

It's so hot that the Food Lady says she's afraid that she'll come home to find a little pile of ash and soot that's all that remains after I spontaneously combust. My big bruther Mao tells me to stretch out on the floor as long as I can make myself, and that will make me cooler. But I think Mao is smoking crack, because it just gits hotter and hotter and hotter. The Food Dude tries to help by soaking me with a dripping wet washcloth, but he doesn't realize that getting wet is torture to me. Yeah, it cools me off good, but the whole time I'm cool, my brain synapses are firing: "YOU'RE WET! YOU'RE WET! YOU'RE WET!" and I can't even think, I'm so upset.

I've been workin' on the railroad....

Here I am in my engineer outfit. I really like the red bandana. The Food Lady had to roll up the cuffs on the overalls, since the legs were long - but she says I'll grow into them.

Choo Choo!

My New Store

I have a brand new store where I sell stuff with my pikchur on it. You should check it out.

Happy 4th of July!

My big bruther Mao got all dressed up for Independence Day. The loud noises were scary --- I don't think I like the 4th of July.

The Pooplosion

Man, last night I had the squirts, and after I went in the cat box, and started to cover it up I kinda went crazy, and when I was done, there were squirty drips of chocolate poop absolutely everywhere --- including the walls! It was like I was makin' a poop milkshake, and forgot to put the lid on the blender... and boy, was it stinky! I should bottle it up and sell it as a bioweapon. Of course, you know what I heard when the Food Lady and the Food Dude found out: "OH SKEEZIX!"