Skeezix's Scratching Post: August 2005

Is it wrong to kiss the Food Dude?

I have a pikchur of me kissing the Food Dude. It's always best when I can put my hands around his head, and hold his face in just the right position for maximum traction. As you can see, I had to hide the Food Dude's face, becuz he would get embarrassed if the whole world knew about our special relationship. The Food Lady tries to get me to kiss her on the face, too, but ICK! Who'd wanna kiss a girl???

My Glamour Shot

Ready for Playgirl, dontcha think?

Food Dude Burrito

Here is a pikchur of the Food Dude and me. (Well, his face is obscured here becuz he'd be embarrassed if people knew how much I kiss him.) I love the Food Dude so much! I kiss him as much as I can to let him know how much. Sometimes, he has to lock me out of the room becuz I kiss him too much -- he says I'm gonna lick the face right off of him, and he always has to remind me "Not on the lips!" But I know he loves me too, because he feels sorry for me because I have no hair and no padding to keep me warm, so he wraps me up in his jacket when he works at the computer, and I can nap next to his heart after I've licked his face off. Aren't I lucky!!!

How Rocky Got His Name

I was out in the front yard with the Food Lady (of course, with the harniss on), sniffing all the good smells out there when a man came by with another creature on a harniss. Except that the creature didn't seem like a cat. It was way taller, and he didn't meow. The Food Lady sez it was a labrudoor. Anyway, when Rocky saw it, his tail got big and he started to growl. And then my big bruther Mao saw it, and he ran over to be next to Rocky, and his tail got big and he started to growl. And then Rocky gave the signal, and they both attacked the labrudoor, and his owner pulled the harniss and dragged him away. Rocky and Mao were very brave. My big bruther Mao explained that the yard is their territory, and it's their job to protect it, which is why he gits antsy if he's forced to stay inside the house, because he can't protect his territory frum inside the house. The Food Lady was very upset, because she said the labrudoor was a very nice, friendly puppy who was just trying to make friends. The Food Dude says that Rocky and Mao rock.

Wake up, Food Lady!!!!

Well, I learned a new trick. In fact, my first trick. Except I don't git treats for this, I just git yelled at. You see, most of the time, the Food Dude gets up in the morning around the time it barely starts getting lite outside again. And the first thing he does (after using his own catbox in that room with the tile floor) is feed me. And by that time, I'm reeeaaaallly starving. Except lately the Food Dude hasn't always been getting up that early, and so I nearly pass out from hunger (where's PETA when you need them??) So I try to wake the Food Dude and the Food Lady up by climbing across their faces with my poopy paws, and sleeping on their necks until they can't breathe, but it doesn't always work. So, I learned how to turn the Food Lady's radio on. It's just a button on the top of the black radio box, and I press it, and some men begin talking really loud and sometimes there's music --- it's just like what happens when the Food Lady's alarm goes off. It's way loud. But instead of nicely saying, "Good morning, Skeezix, what may I serve you for breakfast this morning?" she yells, "OH SKEEZIX!!" and then she picks me up and locks me out of the bedroom. I've done it three times, now, and I think it's a pretty fine trick, but she obviously doesn't. And would it kill her to refer to me as "your highness" once in a while?