Skeezix's Scratching Post: November 2005

It's Pikchur time again

Here I am, dressed up as one of Santa's elves. I don't know what an elf is, though --- maybe a pointy-hat-wearer? You can see that I'm standing much more still than I usually do when the Food Lady whips out the camera, becuz I've learned that standing still gets the agony over way quicker. My big bruther Mao didn't get to be an elf becuz the Food Lady sez he's too cranky.

Almost Squirt-free!

Wonder of wonders, it appears that I may not spend my entire life leaking out of my behind after all. Slowly but surely, the squirts are going away. I'm not exactly laying pipe (as the Food Dude would say), but the cat box no longer looks like a pastry chef at a fancy nouvelle cuisine restaurant squirted caramel sauce all over it.

And, as a bonus, the Food Lady got me another sweater. It's a turtleneck, and it's got my name embroidered on the back of it. I thought it was a blue sweater, but the Food Lady says it's periwinkle. Mao says I look gay. I probably do... because wearing the sweater makes me feel happy and toasty warm.

Happy Thanksgiving, Pilgrim

Well, I'm very embarrussed to be in this photo dressed like a girl. My big bruther Mao says it's the price I have to pay for getting the really good cat fud. Did you notice that Rocky is not in the pikchur? What's up with that? He eats the fancy cat fud, too, but he never gets his pikchur taken. The Fud Lady keeps doing her "turkey impersonation" in the house, and you've never heard anything so terrifying. The only good thing the last couple of days has been gitting to go outside and rolling in the dirt.

Someone call Amnesty Intl --- or PETA!

I am being tortured. I don't know why (I'm always such a good boy!), but ever since I took the ride in the car to see the old man in the blue coat, the Food Lady and the Food Dude pin me down every single night and force this white thing down my throat. It makes me kinda heave and I try to spit it out, but they still keep doing it --- every single night. It has something to do with me having the squirts. So I guess the Food Lady and the Food Dude are trying to torture me into not having squirty poop anymore. But it's not like I have any control over it. The Food Dude told me it's the same thing he took when he got Delhi Belly after a trip to India. Like that's supposed to make me enjoy being tortured. Sometimes, I'm convinced they hate me.

The Great Outdoors

I thot you might like to see some photos of me when I wear the harniss and get to go outside. The first one is what I love to do most: I roll in the dirt. The second is where I'm checking out that big rectangular lake they have in the backyard that I hope I will never ever have to take a bath in. Rocky drinks his water out of it, but I'm a-scared of falling in.

Weird Day!

Yesterday was a kinda weird day. The Food Dude had my big bruther Mao and me help him to make a birthday card for the Food Lady. We made the mouse thing go around (he helped me by making my paw go around the right way), and it made this card that we printed out on the printer, and then we left it for her next to her computer with a couple of crunchy treats. The poor Food Lady was saving the crunchy treats for later, but my big bruther Mao said screw that, and he ate them all up. The Food Lady's so nice, though, that she didn't get mad at Mao for eating those delicious crunchy treats.

The Food Lady was home during the day, and it was so nice to sit on her shoulder and purr and purr and purr. And the sun was shining and she put my harniss on, and we went for a walk outside. I tried to explain to her that I'm a big boy now and I don't need her to walk me on a harniss like a baby, but she's deaf or something and won't listen. Anyway, we had a nice long walk, and I rolled rolled rolled in the dirt until I was practically the color of a Hershey's candy bar.

Late in the afternoon, she put my Cal sweater on me and took me for a ride in the car. I tried to be a good boy and not make a racket, even though riding in the car scares the bejeebers outta me. We got to a place called the vets. I kinda remember that place and the cold silver table from when I was a baby. She had the man in the blue coat poke and prick and prod me to fix my problem with having the squirts all the time. It was SO EMBERRUSSING to have her talk about my squirts to the man in the blue coat when I hardly even know him. I tried to be a good boy, but it was cold in there, and they took off my sweater to way me. I now way 7 pounds and 4 ounces. Then they put this thing up my behind to get my temprachur. My temprachur was 101.7, which sounded good. I was emberrussed when they put the thing up my behind, with everyone looking at me. I had to hold in more squirts so I wouldn't spray anyone. One of the peeple there said I was a pretty cat. The Food Lady says they say that just before she rites them a check for $400 so that she feels good about the ixperience. But I think she was happy becuz she told the Food Dude about it.