A daily journal by the ugliest, stinkiest cat ever born.
Heer's a tabbycat whooze going after what (I think!?!) is a berdie. If it is a berdie, it's a berdie that's almost as big as a vishus deer! But more stoopid-looking. I know the cat heer is not Victor, becuz he's an inside cat like me, and he won't take any chances going outside ware the deer are wating to eet tender littul cats. Do yoo think this mite be a cat-eeting berd? Maybey the berd is stalking the cat?
I was born the runt of the litter, and I'm still a scrawny little runt. Altho I'm allejidly a purebred Simeze/Balineze (I have "papers"!), I used to think maybe my mom was a ho and my dad was not the same dad that my byootiful sisters had until my best innernet frend Shabby pointed me to the Wikipedia entry for Oriental Shorthairs, and I fownd the Skeezix Family, including my twin, Mighty Mite. I have crossed eyes, a crook in my tale, satellite dish ears, a very lowd voice and really screwed up splotchy coloring. In short, I'm a mess. But I'm a kyoot mess. The Food Lady pikt me insted of pikking one of my byootiful sisters becuz I was spunky and outgoing and the butt-ugliest thing she'd ever seen. I make up for these shortcomings by being extremely personable, affekshunit and funny. Every morning, I lik Mr Tasty Face's tasty face to thank him for letting me stay. And I'm lucky becuz I have a big bruther, Mao, who teeches me things like how to be a picky eeter and how to project my voice frum the bottom of the stares to wake everybody up. Mao's the best big bruther in the entire werld.
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5 Comments:
our mommy says that looks like a wild terkey. we has a bottle in our house that says wild terkey on it, but it's liquid and small. i wonder if they pureed the bird to put it in the bottle?
Skeez, I've seen thoze berds outside a lot. They live in the forest. Thare like the vishus deer. They look for tender, yung littul wite cats to eet. Yoo can tell win they catch a wiff of a tender yung cat they want to eet becuz they go "gobbbul gobbbul!" Yood better hide in a closet in the howse so they don't see yoo.
Hey, Meezers, why don't yoo git that bottul of wild turkeey and bring it over to my howse, and we'll test it to see if it's reely bird joose!
We think that's the turkey birdie that lives in the freezer at the store. Then Mom cooks it and we eat some. You got to eat it before it eats you!
OH. MY. GOD. Do yoo meen that this berd is what's inside my Fancy Feest Sliced Turkey in Gravy????? YUK!! DUBBUL YUCK!!!
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