In the Doghouse

Boy, am I in trubble. When Mr Tasty Face got home frum werk tonight, he was talking on his pocket fone with a customer. And when he opened the door to let my big bruther Mao outside to go poop, I sneeked out too, and Mr Tasty Face had to hang up the fone on his customer and come chasing after me. And boy, did I give him a run for his muney. I ran a lap arownd the front yard, and then I ran down the side yard, and then I ran across the back deck over to ware the big rectangle lake is and I ran around it. He finally cot me and beleeve me, he was not very happy. I think I'm grownded and they mite take away my computer privlijes. So, if I don't rite in my blog for a while, don't worry, I'm just in the doghowse.

In the Doghouse

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/in-doghouse.html

Ralphin' Rocky

It was a rare and wonderful thing. Someone got in trubble and it wasn't me. My frend Rocky frum the outside slept in the house last night becuz it was blowing and raining hard. He doesn't like to stay inside (maybe becuz I have a crush on him and try to make him my girlfrend when I see him), but the Food Lady and Mr Tasty Face force him to sleep indoors when the wether is bad. This morning, Rocky was acting all weird when the Food Lady got ready to feed me. I was starving (of course), but Rocky was making these weird sounds, and then he barfed up slime and a rubber band on Mr Tasty Face's jeans. If it had been me, they'd probably have yelled "OH, SKEEZIX!" but it was Rocky, so they didn't yell. Except they had a discussion over where Rocky would have found a rubber band to eat. It took them FOREVER to get around to feeding me my brekfest. I don't know why Rocky would eat rubber bands when Fancy Feast Sliced Turkey in gravy is about a million times more delishus.

Ralphin' Rocky

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/ralphin-rocky.html

I Met a Naybur Ladey

When the Food Lady and Mr Tasty Face got home this afternoon the Food Lady took me outside on the harniss and I got to explore the outdoors while Mr Tasty Face did yard werk. A nice naybur ladey stopped and asked what kind of cat I was. She said I was "interesting looking," and she commented on my gigantic ears and my pointy little nose. The Food Lady sez that when they say "interesting" insted of "ugly," that they're trying to be nice. The nice naybur lady sed "interesting" about three times, so she must be very very very nice.

I Met a Naybur Ladey

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/i-met-naybur-ladey.html

I'm driving the Food Lady insane

I think I'm driving the Food Lady insane. Ever astute, I first sensed this when she yelled at me "SKEEZIX! You're driving me insane!" and she wasn't using her inside voice. I think the B12 shot gave me lots of extra energy because now I'm bouncing off the walls, and crawling in every single cabinet, and looking for trouble to get into every minute of the day. I knocked her keyboard on the floor this morning, and I'm driving my big bruther Mao insane, too. Mr Tasty Face tries to take the blame himself (cuz I'm his favorite cat and he doesn't want me to get in trouble), and tells everyone he's started feeding me coffee in the morning.

I'm driving the Food Lady insane

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/im-driving-food-lady-insane.html

Back in the Prison Box

Well, today it was back in the blue prison box for me and I went to see the vet. I wore my pink polo shirt becuz it's Spring, and the Food Lady sed that pink is a Spring color. I really like it, but my big bruther Mao sez I look like a sissy runt. The vet man was wearing his blue shirt, but the sleeves didn't go all the way down to his hands. I guess he didn't get the memo about wearing a pink shirt becuz it's Spring. I didn't want to get out of the blue prison box and go onto the cold metal table, but then a nice girl in a pretty shirt (that had Spring colors in it) took me and wayed me. I way 7.6 pounds. I think pretty soon I'll way so much that I won't be a runt anymore. The vet man gave me a shot of B12 in the leg that burned a little bit, and then it was back in the prison box for me... he didn't torture me nearly as much as he usually does. The Food Lady sed I was a really good boy in the car becuz I didn't holler like my big bruther Mao does. When I got home, I cuddled up on the Food Lady's shoulder and purred a lot, and then I wrote my blog.

Back in the Prison Box

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/back-in-prison-box.html

I discoverd a new creecher

I discovered a new creecher today. The Food Lady sez it is called a skwerl. I couldn't quite figure it out. Its ears are almost invisible, they're so tiny: how does he hear? And would ya get a load of that amazingly huge fluffy tail? What a waste of fur! When he eats, he holds the food in his hands instead of sticking his face down in it like me and my big bruther Mao do. I was mezmerized by the skwerl, and I watched it for a long long time until it skittered off into the forest behind my house. I hope he comes back soon.

I discoverd a new creecher

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/i-discoverd-new-creecher.html

Happy St Patrick's Day!

Happy St Patrick's Day!

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/happy-st-patricks-day.html

Back to the Torture Chamber

Well, it was another worst-day-of-my-life day, (and they seem to be increasing in frequency). They starved me again this morning (even though I told them LOUD and CLEAR that it was past my brekfast time and I'd already gone over eight hours without a single morsel of food), and then the Food Lady took me in the blue plastic prison box to the place with the cold metal tables and barking dogs and the nice old man in the blue coat. Except today he wasn't wearing a blue coat, he was wearing a nice green shirt with some animals sewn in thread above the pocket. The Food Lady explained to me that the nice old man is a vet. But I don't think she's right about that, becuz he doesn't look like he was in the Army (unless he ran the torture unit, becuz he's good at poking me with needles and stuff).

The peeple at the vet's place are reely nice. They all know my name, just like we're old frends, and they appreciate my finely honed fashion sense, becuz I always wear a sweater or a shirt when I go there becuz the outside is cold and I'm a hairless runt who could catch the floo or something if I got a chill. Fortunately, today wasn't as bad as last week, because I didn't fall deep asleep there and wake up with my mouth and my goodie-sack all sore. Instead, they poked me in embarrassing places to find out why I still have the squirts and drained nearly all the blood from my skinny little body.

But then an AMAZING thing happened: my big bruther Mao showed up! He was there all afternoon with me. So even though I was starving, it wasn't too scary becuz Mao was there, even though he was in a particularly cranky mood and wouldn't talk to me much. They cleaned his teeth becuz he has plak which is probably why he has halitosis.

After we were there for a long long time, the nice helpful young man came in and put us in our prison boxes, and he even carried my box to the car. On the way home, Mao was wily, and he broke out of his prison box, and I thot he was going to help bust me out of mine, but he just went over to sit on the Food Lady's lap and look out the window, and thank god he shut up because he was nearly breaking my eardrums with his bellowing. When I got home I ate two cans of Fancy Feast Sliced Turkey in gravy and several helpings of chicken breast that the Food Lady made special for me. She tried to make me eat that stinky raw food, but she is insane if she thinks I'm gonna touch that crap!

Back to the Torture Chamber

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/back-to-torture-chamber_114240281725414713.html

Another pikchur of Mr Tasty Face

Here I am, licking Mr Tasty Face. As you can see, my tekneek is to put my arms around his head to hold his face in place, and then I just lick and lick and lick until he makes me go down on the floor.

Another pikchur of Mr Tasty Face

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/another-pikchur-of-mr-tasty-face.html

Catastrophe begins with "cat"

Last nite, I was on my usual patrol of the premises when I made a dizaster. I was up on the cownter in the kitchin, heding thru the little pass-thru door into the dining room (from there, I patrol the living room and the family room, and the big downstairs piano, and then upstairs, and then back down to the kitchen again), wen sumthing spooked me. I usually try to be brave, but this was reely startling, and I jumped 2 feet strate up in the air, like a rockit! Wen I came down, all hell broke loose. I nocked down a plate, and a tray of muffins for church refreshmints rained down on the floor, and sum other lowd rattle-y stuff made crashing sownds on the cownter. Of corse, the Food Lady yelled (you gessed it!) "OH SKEEZIX!" and I went to hide behind the cowch for a long, long, long time -- at leest 2 minits or so.

The Food Lady doesn't like it wen I get up on the cownter, but she doesn't understand how important my job is, and I like to be thorough wen I do my patrols, and I can't be thorough if all I'm patroling is what I can see frum the floor, because I'm just a hairless little runt and I can't see up hi like the peeple do. When I'm up on the cownter, I can see almost as hi as the peeple do, and I can also jump down on top of my big bruther Mao if he's wokking by (boy, he hates that!). When I patrol, I go clockwise thru the kitchen, and I check out the back deck to see if there are coonz and possumz and skunks out there in my territory, and then I jump up on the cownter to shortcut into the dining room. I make my rownds about every 3-1/2 minutes: it's a lot of werk! (And frankly, I don't think they reely appreshiate it all that much.)

Anyway, after the Food Lady picked all the cat hair and floor fuzz off the muffins, trying to decide wether to serve them anyway or make new ones for the church peeple, she came and fownd me and hugged me really nice and told me what a good boy I was, and I sat on her sholder and purred for about ten minits until the terror wint away. Now I know why catastrophe begins with "cat."

Catastrophe begins with "cat"

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/catastrophe-begins-with-cat.html

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Something amazing happened today. There was white stuff (as white as my albino-white coat) that fell down from the sky and piled up on the ground. It was so cold that even my frend Rocky, who lives outside, decided he wanted to stay inside the house. Anyway, the Food Lady took me outside on the harniss to make "snow angels" (whatever that is), and she put my paw on top of the white stuff and I jumped way high straight up in the air because it froze my little pink paw! I didn't want any of that, and I turned around and galloped straight back into the house, and crawled into my warm warm cat cup.

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.html

The Big Sleep

Well, today started out being the werst day of my life. First of all, when the Food Lady and Mr Tasty Face got awake this morning, they fergot to feed me, and they took the water fowntin away, so I was starving and thersty, and no matter how lowd I told them I was starving and thersty, they just preetendid like they didn't heer me --- which was stranje, becuz win I am loud, I can be very perswaysive. And then, the Food Lady put me in the little prizzin box and gave me a ride in the car. We went to see the nice old man in the bloo kote at the place with the cold silver tables and the dogs barking in the backgrownd. I don't reemember much. As uzhual, they poked me and prikt me and all of a sudden, I got so sleepy I just blunked owt. When I woke up my mowth was kinda sore, and so was my bak end -- my goodie sack didn't feel quite the same. But the ladeez in the pretty jakkits were vary vary nice to me. One was named Jeeen, and she red my blog. It made me feel fame-us.

On the way home in the car I was still pritty sleepy, but I purrd and I purrd becuz the Food Lady came bak for me... I always werry that maybe she's gonna trade me in for one of my byootiful sisters who doesn't have the sqwerts (or much persunality, for that matter). I coodn't wait to eet my new faverite food, Fancy Feest sliced turkey in gravy, and after that, I took a nap until Mr Tasty Face got home, after wich I ate 2 more cans of sliced turkey in gravy, and then I kerld up in my nice warm cat bed and slept until morning.

The Big Sleep

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/big-sleep.html

Here's my frend Babe

This is one of my frends. His name is Babe. For St. Patrick's Day, we're calling him Babe McBlob, becuz he's this ginormous black fur blob.

Here's my frend Babe

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/heres-my-frend-babe.html

It's Blowy Outside

The Food Lady and Mr Tasty Face put the harniss on me this afternoon so I could go outside. It was the world's record shortest time outside ever! It was blowing like a tornado was coming and it felt like we were penguins living on an iceberg, it was so freezing cold, and I felt my goodie-sack shrinking. I walked out on the porch, and then I turned right around as fast as a bolt of lightening to go back in the house. My big bruther Mao was very brave, becuz he stayed out, but then again, he's not a hairless runt like me --- he has some padding and way more fur.

It's Blowy Outside

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/its-blowy-outside.html

I'm a Huffer!

I had a smelly non-poop-related incident tonight. I was doing my usual check of the premises, and somehow I stepped into the art supplies box and pressed down the pressy-downie thing on the top of an aerosol can, and released an entire can's worth of spray fix into the office where the Food Lady and Mr Tasty Face spend most of their time. They weren't paying much attention to me, and then Mr Tasty Face says, "What's that sound?" which was in reference to the hissy sound my foot made when it pressed down on the pressie-downie thing, and then they both looked around and sayed "SKEEZIX!" both at the same time in a not a very nice tone of voice. So I high-tailed it out of the art supplies box, and they had to open the window really wide even though it's like Prudhoe Bay outside tonight, and then they had to put the big black blowie machine that pushes the air out by the window. I got a headache, and so did the Food Lady.

I'm a Huffer!

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/im-huffer.html

Forehead Smudges

When Food Lady and Mr Tasty Face got home tonight, they both had these smudges on their foreheads that made them look like I do when I've had a particularly rambunctious time in the cat box... but I've never seen them use the cat box, so I don't know how they got the smudges.

Today, I read a really good story in the newspaper about how a Siamese cat asserted his superiority over a non-Siamese cat. The non-Siamese cat was a very nice cat (like my frend Rocky, who lives outside), but still --- like my big bruther Mao keeps reminding me --- Siamese cats rule the universe, and it's our job to make sure all the other creechers remember that.

Forehead Smudges

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/03/forehead-smudges.html