More Skee-Kooz(TM)!

About 20 minits after I posted my Skee-Kooz blog, I got an email frum my frends Shabby and Kailin with more Skee-Kooz!

Old man in blue coat
I hate cold metal table
Visits to the vet

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Mr. Tasty Face
He is just so yummy good
Just like fancy food

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Make poop squirts in box
Squish choc'late toes on his face
OH SKEEZIX! To sink!

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Food Lady artist
Wizard on her Mac G4
Cool! I'm on a card!

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Curled with brother Mao
Stinky end against my nose
Such is life sometimes

Skee-Kooz^TM by Shabby and Kailin

More Skee-Kooz(TM)!

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/more-skee-kooztm.html

Skee-Kooz

My new best frend Simon, who is one of my innernet frends, sent me sum poems he rote. He's a very good riter as yoo can see for yerself:

I sat
on Cozy Lap's cozy lap
being cozy.
Then i licked myself
and yawned.
i was very very
cozy
- A poem by Simon Cozy Lap

So I asked Mr Tasty Face what a poem was. He sed it was a ritten thing like a blog, but usually shorter and more obtuse and sometimes it rimes and sometimes it's clever, and when you're done reading it, it makes you think, and sometimes it makes you think "How much did this person get pade to rite this crap?" When Mr Tasty Face reeds the New Yorker, he prefers the cartoons to the poems. Simon's poem didn't rime, otherwize I'd call him "Rimin' Simon." I do think Simon's poem was clever. I don't know what obtuse is, so I don't know if Simon's poem was obtuse or not.

So I tride my hand at riting a poem. Mr Tasty Face sugjested that I start with High-Kooz, which are poems that people who don't know how to rite poems rite. This is how the High-Kooz work: there are five meows in the first line, seven meows in the second line, and five meows in the third line. The lines don't need to rime, but you can never mess with the meow count. Mr Tasty Face also sugjested that I call them "Skee-Kooz." So I will. Here are my first Skee-Kooz:

Berdies chirping lowd.
I go into a frenzy.
Strangely, I'm hungry.
- A Skee-Koo^TM by Skeezix the Cat

Here's anuther one:

Rustle. Rustle. Yes!
Strange compulshun emerges.
Mylar tinsel wand.
- A Skee-Koo^TM by Skeezix the Cat

I was reely working hard in the second one to get the obtuse thing going, even tho I don't know what obtuse means.

Skee-Kooz

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/skee-kooz.html

My Cat Swetter

Here I am, going for a walk outside waring my harniss and my cat swetter that sez "SKEEZIX" on it. I'm very proud of this swetter and I like it a lot becuz it's what's called a "turtulnek" wich means it keeps yer nek as warm as a turtul's*. Altho Mr Tasty Face sez it's my bloo swetter, it akshually is "periwinkul," not bloo, as anyone with 2 eyes can planely see. It has a harniss hole in the back, wich is a good invenshun.

Later on in the walk, win we're by the nayburs', yoo can see all three of us with Mr Tasty Face. That's Rocky in the gutter, ware he spends like 22 howrs a day, and Mao in back, hoo doesn't realize that I'm abowt to pownce on him, like a jaguar.

__________________________
* I don't know what a turtul is.

My Cat Swetter

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/my-cat-swetter.html

My BarbeyKyoo Shirt

We had a barbey-kyoo, so the Food Lady got me a reely nice loo-ow shirt to ware. Even tho it isn't in my faverit color, pink, I like it a lot and it matches my collar.

My BarbeyKyoo Shirt

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/my-barbeykyoo-shirt.html

...and all I got was this lousy foto

Mr Tasty Face and the Food Lady wint on a rode trip yesterday. A rode trip is win they git in the bloo machine that takes me to visit the vet man, but the ride is longer on a rode trip than a ride to the vet man, and on the rode trip they eet food in the car and play rode songs real lowd in the CD player. Mr Tasty Face took his tiny compyooter on the rode trip, so he can surf the web and chek email on the rode. They wint to Redding, which is neer Red Bluff, so I think it's the area ware the color red was invented (I don't know that for a fact, I'm just drawing a lojicul concluzhun). They wint to see a brij called the sundile brij. They reely like it becuz they've bin there before. This of corse made it a bad day for me becuz they weren't heer to play the tinsel wand game with me, and I was bord except for listening to the berdies. So win they got home, the Food Lady gave me a foto for my blog of a cat she took a pikchur of in Redding. It looks like it's related to my frend Tiger. See for yerself! Here is a pikchur of my good frend Tiger:

See! they're practikly seperated at berth!

...and all I got was this lousy foto

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/and-all-i-got-was-this-lousy-foto.html

Thank Yoo Kailin and Shabby!

I have 2 new frends, Kailin and Shabby hoo must git a bigger allowance than I do becuz they sent me a gift in my email. THANK YOO! Wow, yoo don't know how much it meens to me being imprisoned in the howse all day long, to have good good frends on the innernet hoo are way nicer than my big bruther Mao is sumtimes.

Thank Yoo Kailin and Shabby!

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/thank-yoo-kailin-and-shabby.html

Cat News (Episode One)



WARNING! Smiley Muffin the Cat sez a bad werd, so parental disgreshun is advised.

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/cat-news-episode-one-warning-smiley.html

Yummy Fotos!

My good innernet frend, Simon, asked me to send him some pikchurs of the berdies outside my window, and so I did. Simon is a good frend becuz he emails me a lot and tells me all about him and his bruther Felix. So, I thot yoo mite like to see the berdie pikchurs, too. This is a foto of last yeer's berdies becuz when I tried to git the Food Lady to take a foto for Simon, she said "Skeezix! I'm not gonna hang my fat ass* out the window to take a foto for yer innernet frends. Have yoo been croozing the chat roomz agin?" (That's win Mr Tasty Face wispered to me not to ask her to do stuff in the morning before she has her koffey.) So anyway, here's a berdie pikchur. Last yeer's berdies look exactly like this yeer's berdies.

* I never say bad werds like that. I'm just qwoting her directly.

Yummy Fotos!

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/yummy-fotos.html

My Frend Tiger

The Food Ladey has been werking to make frends with a ferul cat outside whooz name is Tiger. (I don’t know what “ferul” meens, but it appears it has sumthing to do with being an outside cat who doesn’t have a heated cat cup to sleep in or a tinsel wand to play with.) Well, we don't think Tiger is akshually his name, but he looks like a Tiger and she thinks she needs to call him something, so she calls him Tiger. Tiger is a nice cat, a big brown tabby with gold eyes, and when he seez me thru the big glass window in the back yard, he comes running up to me and sez hi thru the glass, and rubs aginst the glass like he has urges and wants to be my boyfrend. Mr Tasty Face sez he’s been hanging around like a bad smell for more than a month. The Food Lady sez she doesn’t think Tiger’s reely a ferul cat becuz he plays nice with the outside cats, and he purrz, and even tho he doesn’t let her come close to him, she doesn’t think he’s completely wild. So she has been trying to make him her frend. And last nite, she succeeded! She was very pleezed with herself, becuz she spent a long time sitting on the ground talking reely softly to him, and getting him to come close, and he was kinda skittish, but he came closer and closer, and he let her touch him, and then he started doing the self-petting thing ware he butted his head against her hand so that she would pet him. And she did, and he wint wild with wanting to be petted, he luved it so much. The Food Lady and Mr Tasty Face are going to put posters up this weekend in case some sad family lost Tiger. Mr Tasty Face sed that Tiger probably lives about 3 houses away and just comes by acting all starved so that we’ll give him the good cat food.

My Frend Tiger

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/my-frend-tiger.html

Update on Lewis the Cat

This pikchur is frum an artical on Lewis the Cat in the Connedicut Post. You mite think that's me in the pikchur, but no, it's a chiwawa who dresses just like me. Lewis' fate has yet 2 be deturmind. Send sum good thots to Lewis' Food Lady, Ruth Cisero!

UPDATE: Lewis has a short reprieve... his Food Lady doesn't have to be back in cort until June 20th. In the meentime, I'll try to figyur out ware Connedicut is.

Update on Lewis the Cat

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/update-on-lewis-cat.html

Back to the Vets

Well, another Tuesday vet visit. This one was action packed. There was a man there fixing a door with a tool that made a very lowd bad sound like the vakyoom cleener, only more lowd. I was a little scared. But then my frend Mark sed "Hello, Skeezix!" and I felt happy. He asked ware my big bruther Mao was, just to be nice, and sed we were his faverit cats. We sat in the room with the crikits and the giant spider for the longest time, and then my frend Jeeeen came by and sed hello and wanted to see what I was waring. I was particularly stylish today, wearing a green polo shirt with navy blue trim and little pink ladybugs all over it. Everyone menshund what a good dresser I was. And then my frend Shon came in and took me away to way me in a room that had a parakeet. Wooo hoooo! That was exciting, and reminded me that it was dinner time. The parakeet went chirp chirp like the baby birdies outside my window. And then I got tortured a little with my vaxinashuns. And then 2 nice girls took me back to the blue prison box (they sed I was cute!) and the nice old man with the soothing voice in the blue shirt came in to talk about my squirts with the Food Lady. He gave her a new vial of barfy medisin to give me. And if that fails, he gave her some speshul dog food to give me which he sed had a possible side effect of making me bark! (Barf is more like it.) I didn't see my frend Kathy today. I hope her food lady didn't ground her.

I was a very good boy, like always, and I didn't make a peep. The Food Lady sed that we're financing a new wing of the Bullevard Pet Hospital, and that she hopes I get invited to the ribbin cutting serramoney.

Back to the Vets

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/back-to-vets.html

Support Lewis!

Buy a Lewis T-Shirt to support Lewis the Crazy Cat. It will help defray cort costs. In case you've been living in a cave, maybe yoo haven't herd about Lewis, who mite be put to deth for attaking the Avon ladey. The Avon ladey sued Lewis's Food Lady becuz Lewis skratched her. Here you can reed more. And here's even more about Lewis in the wikipedia. (Boy, I wish I was famus enuf to be in the wikipedia!) Lewis livs in Connedikut, which is not by Castro Valley ware I live. Poor Lewis has been tortured in his nayburhood without even going to see the vet man. He's been egged and sprayed with a hose, which in case yoo don't know is the worst thing you can ever do to a cat.

Personalley, I think the Avon Ladey is crazy, not Lewis. My big bruther Mao tot me how important it is to protect yer property and keep yer peeple safe like Lewis does. What wuz the Avon Ladey doing at Lewis's house, anyway? Was she invited? I think not! I think she was a trespasser.

I think Lewis has a nice smile. I'd date him if he lived in Californeeya and if I wasn't noootered. I'm not bying any Avon products frum now on.

Support Lewis!

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/support-lewis.html

Hello to my frends

The best part about being a blog celebrity is all the frends I make. I've made sum very good frends online, including Simon & Felix, Rosie & Cheeto, Tom & Jerry and Talula. For sum reason, most of my frends come in twos, just like me and my big bruther Mao. Simon even had LOTS of helpful hints on how to cure my squirts.

Hello to my frends

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/hello-to-my-frends.html

I've got berdies!

It’s been an exciting few days. On Thurzday, we herd this tweet tweet outside the window of the office, which is where me and my big bruther Mao usually sleep all day. Anyway, the Food Lady got reely excited, becuz a muther berd called a black feebie had babies. They started coming out of their eggs. First there was just one, but then there were a couple more. The muther berd goes off to find cat food to feed the babies, and when she gets back the babies go tweet tweet really loud, just like I do when I’m hungry. The food lady was wooried that the black feebie muther decided to go somewhere else to nest because she hadn’t been sitting on the nest (which is like a bird’s cat bed, only without the heating pad built in), which she does every yeer. Last yeer, she had two different sets of babies, called cluches, for a total of EIGHT babies! Can you imagine having that many babies? I don’t remember last year becuz I was just a baby then. Last yeer, the muther berd’s babies came out of their eggs on May 8th, so she was ten days late this yeer. The Food Lady sed it was becuz of the rain. Boy, I wish I could crawl all the way out the window to see the baby berdies, but the Food Lady and Mr Tasty Face have the screen real tite so I can’t get to the outside frum the inside. I just have to be happy that I can listen to them and watch the muther berd fly by the window.

I've got berdies!

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/ive-got-berdies.html

Call me Hoo-Deeney

Mr Tasty Face has been teaching me this great trick: how to open doors. I'm really good at it becuz I can stick my pointy little ferret nose into the crack and pry it open enuf to get my bony arm through, and then I just push and work it, work it baby real good until boom! the door opens as easily as if I'd said "Open Sesame."

What Mr Tasty Face fails to realize is that now I know how to open the back door to the outside. And he doesn't even know it. He and the Food Lady keep finding the back door open and blaming each other for leaving it open, and then they go all frantic wacky looking for me, and I'm out exploring the nayburhood, just like when I'm on my harniss, except that I'm free free free to cavort as I like and then I play "catch me if you can" with them because I'm harder to grab when I don't have that harniss waying me down. Yes, I am now offishully an escape artist, just like Hoo-Deeney.

My big bruther Mao sez that where he lived before they had a little cat-sized door built into the door to the outside so that he could come and go as he pleezed. We have one kind of like it upstairs, but it just goes out to a balcony that has the litter box, so even though it's outside, it's not like you can go outside.

And even though it's Tuesday, I didn't get to go to the Vet's office this week. I didn't go last week either. I wonder if my frends Jeeen and Kathy miss me.

Call me Hoo-Deeney

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/call-me-hoo-deeney.html

My Space on myspace.com

I forgot to tell all yoo cats out there that you can see me on myspace.com, too! Go to http://www.myspace.com/skeezixthecat to see my profile and becum my online frend!

My Space on myspace.com

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/my-space-on-myspacecom.html

Just some Pikchurs

Here are just some pikchurs frum the last couple of days. First, one of me and Mr Tasty Face, ware I always sit on his sholder when he werks on the compyooter:



and here's a pikchur of me and my big bruther Mao (I'm the little white one):

Just some Pikchurs

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/just-some-pikchurs.html

The Ginneypig Way

Well, if it's Tuesday, it must be time for me to go visit the vet. So when the Food Lady got home she put me and my big bruther Mao in the blue plastic prison box and we went. I was a perfect boy, and the Food Lady told me so. I didn't make a peep, even though I did make some bad smells like when my bowels are about to blow. Mao was not a perfect boy unless you count screaming at the top of his lungs to be perfect behavior. The vet was wearing his blue shirt with short sleeves, and I was wearing NOTHING!!! It was the first time I went out in public nekkid. It felt good, even if it was a little embarrussing. So, I watched that nice nice Shon guy stick a needul in Mao's behind. But the party had just begun. After they were thru with Mao, they pulled me out and wayed me (7.84 pounds) and then kept me on the table while an audience gathered to watch the vet man put a stick up my poop hole and put it in a plastic sleeve that had to be handled very very carefully, and not refrigerated, and then it would be sent to a lab. It was complicated. He needed to write down my bull number and ranch number because it's a test for bulls. Which made me wonder if he thought I was one of the cowcats whose pikchur I found on April 23. But even if I was a bull, I wouldn't be a bull, I'd be a steer becuz a long time ago when I visited the vet's and had the big sleep, I woke up without my manhood and my urges. The vet man is always very very nice to me because he doesn't want me to write something bad about him on the internet. Even though he tortures me with needuls and stuff I still like him becuz he has a soothing voice, and I just know he lies awake at night thinking of new ways to cure my squirts. And oh by the way, both Kathy and Jeeeen were there, and Markus, too, who I got to see stick his arm all the way in the snake cage. I think the snake was eyeing me like I'd be a tasty appetizer, so I was happy when he put the top back on the snake cage. Jeeen showed the Food Lady a hilarious Web site run by a ginneypig named Bing. The Food Lady made me watch when we got home becuz she thought it would be good for me to perform a song like Bing does and put it on my web site. It was a really catchy song called the ginneypig way, with words like, "I sleep I poop I don't wear pants no shoes on my feet!" --- I mean, how could I make up my own song with better words than that? Can't be done, my frend.

The Ginneypig Way

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/ginneypig-way.html

The Nice Naybur Ladey

It was nice and warm today and there was no water falling down from the sky. So the Food Lady took me for a walk outside on the harniss when she got home frum work. The nice naybur ladey was across the street in her yard, making this reeet, reeet sound that was fasinating. The Food Lady said she was raking, but I tried to tell her no, the lady was reeeting. The Food Lady sometimes doesn't listen to me even when I have important things to say (which is like, whenever I open my mouth). Anyway, the nice naybur ladey called over to ask if I was the cat with the website, and the Food Lady said yes, and then the naybur lady sed that I looked very unusual, like a chiwawa. I couldn't believe it -- twice in two days someone has said I looked like a chiwawa and I wasn't even wearing my serapé this time.

The Nice Naybur Ladey

http://www.skeezixthecat.com/scratchingpost/2006/05/nice-naybur-ladey.html